"True Beauty...My Acne Story" (Kate)

[From old forum]

"True Beauty"
My Acne Story

It was the most wonderful time of my life! I was entering a pageant, school was going great, I had many friends, I loved my life and I loved being me?Kate Ehlke the achiever, the talented girl, the beautiful girl, the person other people wanted to be, that was me and I loved it. I loved going up on stage, I loved going outside, I loved meeting new people (I was what people would call a ?big? people person) and I loved being the center of attention. I had so many wonderful dreams on how my life would go?the things I would achieve in my life.
After I found out I was a finalist in the pageant (the WI American Coed Pageant) that I entered I decided that in order to make myself even more perfect than I already was I would start to use some ?products? to make myself more beautiful. I remember it was cold and late when my mom and I walked into the Big K. I walked right to the cosmetic isle and started to look at the different products. ?Wow! This one makes it so you never get a pimple! Cool! This one gets rid of dead skin cells! Excellent! This one restores moisture to your skin making it look glowing! Wunderbar! This one gets rid of any red marks on your face!!! This soap looks good?this looks good too?oh, this smells so pretty.? After finally deciding on about 6 things to make myself more beautiful I went to the cashier and checked out. I recall thinking that now I truly would look like one of those models on TV!!!
About 2 weeks later I walked into the mall and was going for my ?free? makeover. It was so exciting getting flawless eyes, lips, cheeks, etc. I felt like a princess sitting in that chair and having this pretty young girl put different colors and sparkles on my face. Afterwards I went and had my photo professionally taken since I was all made up!
Within a few weeks I saw I started to get more blackheads so I rushed to the store for some more ?anti-blackhead? cream. Well, in a few months I found I was starting to get more pimples so what did I do but rush to the store for more ?anti-pimple? cream and some extra makeup to cover it up??let?s see, I have foundation, powder, mascara, eye shadow, lipstick, lip shine, I think those are all of the basics.? I always had to go to the store if it was not for more foundation/powder it was for more anti-blemish cream (my ?miracle??beautifying cream) since I did not want to be caught without my ?products.? I remember my mom and I went on a week?s vacation out east. On our way home before we left the hotel my mom walked into the bathroom and saw me ?putting on my face? (since by this time I had completely lost my normal face) and she told me I should not wear it today because we would only be in the car driving home. Oh, I had a fit about not wearing my makeup but finally went along with it?I did however sneak a few coats of mascara and a thin coat of lipstick (to make my now pale lips look a little more ?healthy.?)
Pageant day finally arrived! It was so exciting. All the beautiful clothes, the beautiful girls, the makeup?it seemed to be right out of a fairy tale book. I was so honored to be given the title of the 2001 Miss American JR. Teen Wisconsin Talent. I learned very fast afterwards that holding a title was no easy task. I was always going somewhere, meeting someone new, etc. etc. If I did not have an appointment with one of the elected officials, I was attending a special function; if not one of those I was most likely signing an autograph for a little girl and listening to her dreams. I fell in love working at the Homeless Shelter! Oh it was so much fun feeding the hungry or helping out in the nursery with the children. I loved life! I felt like I was making a difference! I was giving back to my community! I loved making little ones laugh and adults smile. It filled my whole being with complete joy. I continued this all through my reign. After I passed the crown, my skin continued to worsen. At this point I would not even let my mom see me without foundation and powder on. I would wake up while it was still dark in order that I could put my makeup on without having to look at my now very red/blotchy/pimply/blackhead filled face. I started to develop very severe welts on my face, on my head, on my back and even in my ears. I finally broke down and realized that all of my beautifying products were not making me beautiful, they were creating a monster face, so I threw out all the foundation, powder, eye shadow, lip gloss and all of the acne creams I was now using. I remember crying when I took the big bag to the trash bin. I felt it would get better since I stopped using the products?little did I know what was to come. Things did not get better, in fact they got worse! I developed more and more hard lumps all over my face. I remember one day I got so upset after a little girl asked me something about my face that when I got home I went to the bathroom with a razor blade and started to cut every lump?I watched as yellow ooze filled with blood pored down my face.
I will tell you what I the achiever, the talented girl, the beautiful girl, the person other people wanted to be, I will tell you what I am like now. I hate looking at myself, I never brush my hair by a mirror, I run from cameras, I brush my teeth and wash my face in the dark, I loathe the stage and being the center of attention. Whenever I go out in public a part of me now cries inside. I no longer hear little girls say to me, ?I love you Kate and when I grow up I want to be just like you.? I now get questions such as, ?What is wrong with your face?? ?Why do you look that way?? ?What is that stuff on your face?? ?Your skin feels nasty!?
I have no dreams anymore. It is hard enough waking up to a ?new? day since for me there really is not a new day.

Update
So much has happened in the year since I wrote this. I finally realized that I should do something with my acne to try to educate others on the disease. I stopped hiding as much and now lead a pretty normal life?but every chance I get I share with people what it is like to live with a skin disease like acne. I have become very active with a few on-line acne support groups and am now starting a support group for WI. I have met many people around the world that have stories to tell like me and I have also had many people around the world share with me what they do to help their condition. I have tried many many things from all different parts of the world to cure my acne and have found two things that have finally worked (Dian35 and the products from http://www.demodexsolutions.com/default.asp). Today I have a pretty good complexion with hardly any physical scars. I am thankful that I finally have my acne under control.
This year I was honored to win a top national award for an art piece I created and it was exhibited at the Milwaukee Art Museum (in WI) and at the Corcoran Museum (in Washington D.C). I was accepted into the National Society for High School Scholars and have my bio in this year?s Who?s Who Among American High School Students. My emotional scars are slowly healing and I am enjoying my life once again. (I however still do not like cameras.)
I have learned so much over these 4 long years and will never forget my experience with severe acne. One of the greatest lessons that I have learned is never to make assumptions about people just on their physical appearance for true beauty comes from the heart.